Oh March… what a rollercoaster! I had fairly wholesome plans to simplify our life (getting rid of stuff, selling stuff, donating stuff) my computer (like purging the mailboxes), and to complete some ongoing projects, especially:
- Write every day at least 50 words (that’s less than this first paragraph)
- Complete one of those Moocs I had started end of last year (The Science of Happiness)
- Finish one story.
You read that last bit right: actually finish the damn thing.
I never finish stories.
No, that’s not exact. I have not finished a single piece of fiction since 6 or 7 years. At least.
Not finishing makes me feel awfully guilty. Like I have lots of unfinished business lying around everywhere in dusty drawers.
What I aimed at was not the edited, polished, clean piece of writing. I just wanted to have that shitty first draft Anne Lamott talks so frankly about.
To be kind to myself, I have done quite a lot, but before Mid-March arrived we got some awful news about a friend and it just made everything so heavy and dark. It sucked. I needed time alone doing nothing and watching the kids play.
But in the last 10 days or so, may it be the deadline of this resolution (I always work better with a deadline, and that might be part of the problem, or of the solution), I reached a new momentum. I wrote longer stretches and more easily.
At the end of the month, I have written every day but for 5 days.
I have not 100% finished this story. It still lacks half a page or a page probably, before I can get to the editing. I kept delaying my way to the end, so there are probably a great deal of unnecessary words and lots of repeat, especially as I have forced myself not to look back at previous pages before adding to the story.
But I’m almost there. It’s a feeling that I had forgotten about. Keep your finger crossed that I don’t lose steam right now!
In April, I want to finish the story for real, and edit it, but I also want to post more here as I have finished many books which I never got to write about.